Grace United Methodist Church

Thank God for Tears!

The teardrops fall as easily and frequently as the raindrops these days. Every time I see a windmill, I remember all the trips I took with Dad to see them. Sunflowers remind me of the day he took me to see acres of sunflowers in full bloom right around this time of the year. I can't remember where it was but the scene was glorious. I watch Judge Judy and cry because that was one of the few shows we both enjoyed. And I even found myself watching a whole episode of Beverly Hillbillies the other day because it made me feel like he was right there watching with me. That was one of his favorite shows.

There is always the worry about rain for summer weddings. I tell couples that rain on a wedding day was considered a blessing in Jesus' day. The very southern part of Israel receives only a little over an inch of rain per year. Every drop of rain was welcomed - wedding day or not.

There are always tears when we grieve for a loved one. I tell families that tears are a blessing. I spent most of my life holding them in - holding tears back, ashamed if a single teardrop fell when others could see. When we cry in public, it does often make others uneasy and uncomfortable.

Did you know that holding back tears is not good or healthy? It took years for me to break that habit. I had to learn to cry - to let the tears fall naturally and spontaneously when they needed to. It was not easy to undo all those years of holding back and holding them in. Did you know that crying is one of the most helpful and healthiest things we can do for ourselves, spiritually speaking?

Scientifically speaking, tears remove toxins from our systems. Tears lubricate and protect our eyes to keep our vision clear. Some think that crying produces endorphins- little brain sparks that make us feel good, happy and content. Only God knows why tears are stimulated by our emotions. Nonetheless, they are a blessing. A good cry usually leaves us feeling utterly exhausted or totally refreshed. Either way our soul has been touched by God and we have been held by God with every tear that falls.

When we feel tears coming on, it is important to let them flow. They are signs that we have feelings that need to be expressed and examined. That's the only way we will know what we honestly feel at any given moment, in any particular situation. Crying helps release pain into the world. It also helps draw God's healing love into our souls. I believe that tears were God's finishing touch when human beings were created. In order to claim our full humanity and know God's closeness and holiness, we need to cry.

It may be a glorious sunset. It may be the sight of a majestic mountain. It may be goldfinches at the bird feeder. It could be the sound of the wind on a wild, wintry day - or a distant train whistle in the wee hours of the morning after a sleepless night. It is almost always at the loss of a loved one, a beloved pet, a much needed job or the break-up of a relationship. Tears may accompany almost any situation and all human emotions. Those emotions take us on quite the roller coaster ride when we are grieving. We have to contend with almost every human emotion as we work our way through grief to find healing.

I'm sad and angry and glad - all in the blink of an eye. I miss Dad mightily. I'm mad that he is gone. I'm glad that he is reunited with Mom, my brother Steve and all those who were waiting for him in Heaven.

I'm awestruck, angry and anxious - all in a nano-second. I am amazed and grateful that Dad was with us for as long as he was, that we have a wealth of memories to share and cherish. I am angry that I wasn't more appreciative of him and attentive to him while he was here. I'm worried about how we are going to get along without him.

There are many, many "Dad Stories" to tell. I'm trying to write some of them down before I forget. One that I never heard until the day of his funeral was about how he did the weekly count at church each Sunday. He greeted people, handed them a bulletin and from a chair in the back of the sanctuary he took an attendance count. He always added three. He always counted God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. That story makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

I hope the rain will let up soon but I know we need it so I will not complain. I will welcome each raindrop as the blessing from God that it is. I know the tears will let up eventually so I will not worry. I will also welcome each teardrop as the blessing from God that it is. Just as the raindrops bring nourishment for thirsty roots and growing gardens, so our tears being nourishment for hurting hearts and sorrowing souls.

Thank God for tears!  

"Faults and Flaws"

When I was young, I could see my parent’s flaws clearly. I could complain about them by the hour, certain that they were intentionally refusing to see life from my perspective because they were mean and stubborn. I was one of those bleeding heart liberals from the sixties generation who passionately believed that no one over the age of thirty was trustworthy. Anyone who exercised power over us in any form - teachers, politicians, police or parents were held under our imaginary microscopes where we noted their high levels of hypocrisy, hate and dishonesty. We were certain that our way of thinking would guarantee a world of honesty, hope and happiness for all. Why were so many resistant to our call for change and unable to see the wisdom of our “new” ideas?

I was offended when Mom and Dad suggested that I might be attacking specks of dust in their eyes, while blinded by the ten foot two by fours in my own eyes. (Matthew 7:2-4) Hindsight has proven that those of my generation who thought as I did were not as unique or revolutionary as we thought we were. Mom and Dad's perspective had strengths and weaknesses just as my own did.

It must have been frightening for them to see a generation try to dismantle wholesale what other generations had painstakingly built brick by brick. I do remember wondering why we were intent on tearing down the “establishment” when we had nothing substantial with which to replace it except idealistic dreams of universal peace and love.  I confess to having many fearful and insecure moments as we protested the conflict in Viet Nam. The daily casualty stats and the loss of life was a reality far more complex than I could begin to understand at the time. Likewise in the struggle for civil rights’ which unfolded with terrifying violence at times made peace and justice seem like truly impossible goals. Certainly we wanted peace and justice. I know that I wanted it to happen peacefully. It didn't. We lived with the knowledge that the whole planet could be blown to bits in a heartbeat. That fact gave many of us nightmares.

The specific details of the challenges which faced us in the sixties were different from the fifties and the forties – even different from those facing us now in the early years of the 21st century.  But the judgementalism that makes us think that we have all the right answers and everyone else must be wrong – that judgementalism has been fueling conflict since the world began. It was the driving force in the Bible story of Cain killing his own brother Abel. (Genesis 4)

Happy are the people who find fault with themselves

instead of finding fault with others.  Hadith

This saying from the Mohammed, prophet of Islam is similar to our biblical saying about the log and the speck.  The biblical words encourage us to put others faults in the background and keep our own in the foreground.  Neither of these give us a clue as to what to do with our faults once we see them clearly though they imply that there is a way to make them go away.  

We can and do often live our entire life without figuring what to do with our flaws – sometimes without ever seeing them.  We tend to think of faults and flaws as flies in the ointment of a perfect life. They are not.  Faults and flaws are an unavoidable and essential part of every human life.  Some folks ignore faults and flaws in everyone, including themselves.  Others can only see where others are wrong or bad without ever seeing anything wrong or bad in themselves.  These are the ones Jesus was trying to reach and teach.  Most of us muddle through life doing our best to cope with life's imperfectness while continuing to think that there is some way to make life perfect. We just haven't found it yet.

Most of us can see our faults and flaws to some degree. Few people think they are perfect. We do our best to cope with our imperfections. Sometimes we try to get rid of them. Frequently we hope we are doing a good job of hiding them.   I don’t think it will make us happy or serve any useful purpose to do as the proverb above says: “to find fault with ourselves.”   I think it is essential to see our own faults. But I think it is not healthy or helpful to obsess over them, or think that there is a way to be completely free of them. Spiritual maturity comes when we accept our faults as part of the unique and quirky self God created me to be. As I mature, I learn to monitor them and minimize the havoc they are allowed to wreak in my life or in the lives of those with whom I live.

Those with dry grass on their body cannot help to put out fire.  Hausa Proverb

We cannot ignore our flaws and faults. Human beings tend to see in others what they refuse to see in themselves.  We project our faults onto others who may or may not actually have them.  We see our own flaws most clearly in the actions of others who may be totally innocent. 

It is dangerous to try to hide our flaws and faults. All of us are born with them - whether we inherit them from our parents’ gene pool or simply acquire them as we go through life.  No one is fault free. No one lives a flaw free life. It is essential that we can get to know our own faults and flaws without projecting them onto innocent bystanders. Some of our faults can be changed by determination and discipline.  Some of our flaws can be erased all together with enough insight and understanding.  But some are with us for life.  It will be a lifelong challenge to see them, learn to live with those we must and have the wisdom to change the ones we can. The best we can do is to minimize the harm they do – to ourselves and to others.

Hinduism offers us this version of the biblical log and speck illustration:

If people would see their own faults as they see the faults of others, truly, evil would come to an end in this world.

I’m afraid that we will always tend to see the speck of dust infecting another person’s soul more easily than we see the log invading our own.  Hindsight helps a bit. I wish I could take back all the time I spent finding fault with my parents and tell them what great parents they were. I wish I could reclaim all the time I spent finding fault with myself and spend that time realizing what a holy adventure life can be. I wish we could all be less judgmental and the world could be a much more peaceful place than it is today.